Talk to self

I was checking out one of my diaries that I used to use before where I had written the notes of the leadership workshops that I had attended. In one of its pages it was mentioned that talking to oneself is very important. In Hindi it's called as 'aatmachintan'. Discussing with oneself is the best way to bring about clarity for one's decisions and shall help in aligning one's actions towards accomplishing the goals set.

 

Time and again people are confused about their own decisions. The reason is that they decide once and discuss about their decisions with 'n' other people to seek their opinions. Unless they get majority of the responses positive, they go on doing it believing that their decision will be right only when majority of the people also accept it. In doing so, people are just adding more confusion to their decisions rather than strengthing them and acting on them. The most important person on whom all your decisions might impact is you yourself. Hence you need to discuss about your decisions with yourself more than anyone else. More the number of times you discuss, more the clarity you will have as to why you made those decisions. Not just decisions, be it an idea or a simple thought or a dream, vision, goal or anything concerned with one's life, s/he has to talk to himself/herself to understand the basis of one's own thinking and evaluate it oneself. Unless you are clear about what you want to do, you can never expect someone else to understand the reason behind what you want to do. Talking to self regularly for a good amount of time shall always make our thinking clearer to ourselves first, which later can be conveyed to anyone else with complete confidence and clarity.

 

Talking to onself needn't have to be only verbal, you can even write and explain to yourself all that you want to do. Once you are convinced logically with your explanation then you can give a green signal to yourself to go on with your work without turning back. You always reap the benefits of what you do and never that of others. Hence it's completely upto you as to how much you talk to yourself so that you are the first one to be clear than anyone else about what you're going to go for. You can post your feedback once you talk to yourself for a minute about the blog on is.mohanbn@gmail.com
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Decide to not ask

I remember the famous thought stated by my dear birthdaymate Albert Einstein which goes like this -"I thank all those who denied to help me because of which I could learn and do all of it by myself". Probably due to time and knowledge constraints not everyone of us may be able to follow this statement though we agree with the same. There are innumerable situations that come in our lives where we are entrusted upon with certain work and we start searching for all those who can help us in that regard. Sometimes we are lucky enough to receive the help that we expect whilst sometimes we are at the end of receiving rejections as well.

The decision to not ask for help is one of the toughest decisions that you can take in any scenario. I am not suggesting one to stop asking people for information or service. When the source of any information or service is a specific individual and you cannot afford to have it done by yourself you may ask for their service in return of some payment but when you are self-aware about the algorithm to reach the information or the skill to learn the work to be done you might just be leaning one someone else for help even if its in the form of payment and might end up on the side of losing the experience. When you decide not to ask for help in any form your mind is forced to search for everyway to get the information you need to perform your work except for asking someone else. This provides enough force on the brain to innovate new ideas to accomplish the work at hand and that is where all your creativity will burst out. This process of punishing helplessness on oneself is a bit tough when you can see knowledge modules moving just around you but its quiet necessary to evacuate the dependency quotient from within and fill in the confidence to accomplish anything all by alone self.

Take any inventor for that matter who innovated something that didn't exist before. He or she was forced to think on creating something that didn't exist just by using the existing components and no one else knew the procedure for the same and hence it was helplessness forced upon by the surrounding environment that made him or her to invent what he/she did. You will explore the solution provider in yourself for any problem you face when you take up the complete ownership of solving any problem that you come across by yourself just by deciding not to ask anyone else for help.
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Respect commitments to the self

Commitments are the most important promises that we make to ourselves and to others. Commitments are also used in certain other different scenarios such as personal commitments or family commitments or business commitments where in sometimes they are not just promises but are contracts or dire necessities without fulfilling which the life cannot proceed in a sound manner. If we expect someone else to believe in our commitments, we must first believe in us that we will live upto the commitments that we make to ourselves.

New year resolutions are some of the common commitments that people make to themselves and hardly few percentage of them are ever fulfilled throughout entire lifetime. It all depends upon how much of respect that we give to our own words. I still remember an example wherein Mahatma Gandhiji had stopped eating jaggery for some days just to advise a son of His disciple not to eat jaggery, because Bapu felt that if he couldn't stop eating jaggery, he couldn't advise someone else on the same lines. So he took a commitment to Himself that he wouldn't eat jaggery. The prime motive of His was to lead by example and hence he respected even this small commitment to himself though the situation would have got resolved by He just adivsing the little boy. Just because of his commitment to lead by example he could forfeit his desire for jaggery. Such should be the respect that we give to our commitments. Sometimes we make commitments out of motivation during a small period of time and after that motivation subsides we start disregarding our own commitments and break them. The reason for this is that we forget the reasons for our motivation that we had sometime back. So how do we make sure that we don't break these commitments?

If you can live upto the commitments that you make to oneself then you can easily fulfil the commitments made to others. Hence I will talk or rather write about just three simple steps to make sure that we respect and fulfil the commitments made to the self. First, write down the reasons for you taking up any commitment and preserve this to read and re-read everytime you are working towards this commitment irrespective of whether you have or have lost the motivation. If you have lost the motivaion, reading will trigger it back, if you still have the motivation it will just multiply by re-reading the reasons for the same. Second, there will be certain instances when you will be dragged away by negative forces such as laziness or ill health or disinterestedness or disturbed feelings due to which even reading doesn't bring back the motivation. At these circumstances, just remember that by breaking the commitment you are going to further worsen the situation and just by doing the small work required will definitely make the situation better. Its a simple human psychology which always becomes happy when you do something that you think you cannot do. Third, the belief inside us in ourselves grows everytime we stand for what we speak. We don't have to make big commitments to change the country or the society or the world. Small simple commitments that we make to change ourselves positively can be more than sufficient to cast an impact towards global betterment because you are bound to definitely influence this character of yours into others around you.

Everyday blogging is one of the small commitments that I make to myself and fulfil but sometimes when I fail to do so, I come back with double the efforts to cover up the past failure. Hope to know your stories on self-commitments on is.mohanbn@gmail.com
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Self-study for studying self

Today's education system is designed so well that it teaches us about everything that is present around us. We are taught about things, places, animals and people. We learn history, geography, science, society, psychology and a lot more. Innovations and discoveries keep piling up our syllabus. There are multiple degrees and the scope of knowledge keeps multiplying as we get deeper into any subject. Unfortunately amidst all these there is not even one single opportunity for us to learn about ourselves. Probably this is the only subject that any human mind could not design until now.

Several wise men always have mentioned that the strongest people whill be those who have the most self-awareness. I don't know if anyone can deny this. I believe its our responsibility to know about ourselves to the best extent. I say, 'best extent' here because it's absolutely impossible to understand completely as to how a human mind reacts to any new situation. As time progresses the situations around us change, our wisdom grows and so do our challenges. So time and again we keep changing our behaviour in accordance with the lifestyle around us. In this continuous process of change we need to learn about our own strengths and our own weaknesses. We need to evaluate our own performance time and again only to search our for own flaws which the others can't identify and be willing to rectify the same. Probably someone else can note out key points about us based on what we showcase. Based on what we talk, how we behave, what we like or dislike someone can feel that they understand us completely but I can be more than sure that the God has kept the greatest challenge in discovering the self. Its quite important for everyone of us to understand onself in order to live a fulfilling life.

Hence I came up with the topic 'Self-study for studying self'. We have to study about ourselves. No one else can do this assignment for us. We need to sit and introspect about what we spoke and what we did. Obviously there is no harm in standing and introspecting either! We need to evaluate our own desires and understand the reason for our behaviour on different occasions. This will definitely be an unending process till death. There is no point in learning and achieving everything around you unless you can know the real reason that your mind will be happy and satisfied with. Hence set the process of self-study to understand oneself right away.
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Prove before you leave

In today's versatile world there are various fields of your choice. Multiple options infact have created confusion on our minds as to which one to choose. Its a great journey to explore field by field and find the one which suits us. But we are sent on this earth with a limited amount of time and also our age keeps increasing as time passes by. Hence its important to choose our field of career as early as possible. Some enter a field and just get clogged in it and assume that itself as their field of expertise and continue. Probably this is not a blog for such complacent ones.

This blog is a dedication to every fighter who takes up the challenge to reach his/her field of passion inspite of all the odd circumstances around. In this process of chossing the right field some devalue other fields. Either they don't pay the interest that's required since its not their field or give half their efforts. In either of the cases they are at loss because its not the field that's wrong, its the attitude. When you're fighting to take up a career of your passion and in pursuit of it if you are working in another career make sure that you are no less capable even this field. To achieve success in every field hardwork and dedication are the only two things that matter. Above that if you're passionate about the field its an added bonus. So be it any field you are in, even if you are planning to leave it in sometime give your best and prove that you are far capable in handling the work there. If you quit without proving anything people will definitely look down upon you that you were incapable. Forget others, you yourself will feel the guilt of failure at excelling. Its important to have the right positive attitude of excelling in whatever that comes our way. People should feel the pain when you are quitting that field to take up a choice of the field you are passionate about.

Only then you have proved to yourself and others that you could achieve success in any field that you step in. This not only serves as a proof for your professional ethics for others, it serves as a confidence booster for the self. When you can prove to yourself that you can rule the field which you are not passionate about, just imagine how serious and successful you can be in the career of your choice. So whatever field you take up whether you continue or leave it just make sure to prove that you can do it all.

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Self-Cheat > Else-Cheat

Probably everyone one of us in this world is a cheater. At one point or the other in our life we have cheated. Please dont get me wrong. I am not blaming anyone here. Its the basic instinct of any living being on this earth to take the easier path. Seldom do we select the longer and harder path for any of our tasks. I am not against taking easier paths. Any sane mind would always choose the simpler and easier way of doing something than the harder one. But one thing we need to be cautious is that we are not breaking any rules of the game while going for the easier shortcut. Would we take the same shortcut if the monitor of the task is right in front of us? If the answer is YES, cheers! carry on but if the answer is NO, then you have started cheating.

In life we would have witnessed innumerable people who cheat others for different kinds of reasons. They always feel that they were just intelligent enough to fool the other person but they are absolutely wrong. They have forgotten that in the process of cheating someone else they had cheated their own conscience. Lets bring down the level of cheating now. Forget cheating others there are numerous instances when we cheat ourselves. If we can win over this self-cheater we can win over the evil devil of cheating others.

We would have decided that we will be on a diet for next one month but the sight of junk food makes us cheat ourselves to eat it. We would have decided to study for 4 continuous hours but the news of sports update cheats us into watching the game for one hour. We would have committed to work extra in office but the peopleless environment pushes us out of the seat to cheat our own commitment. You would have promised your mom to complete the housework but the thought of your friends partying makes you forget the promise. All the above instances may seem so natural and too silly to be discussed. If so, its how silly you take your own word. If you can cheat yourself, you can cheat anybody in this world.

The choice of cheating the self and taking the alternative path may bring momentary pleasure but never contentment. Try to challenge this inner cheating sense for once. There will be dilemma and negotiation in the mind between you and yourself for sometime but once this confusion subsides you will be able to see the clear path of fulfilling the commitment and the eternal happiness of having self-control rejuvinated. Instance by instance when you grow stronger through this experience of cheating-self versus yourself fight, you will achieve the highest level of self-control. From then on you will never have to yield to the excusitis syndrome and will be able to fulfill every commitment that you make to yourself or others.

After all , life is all about commiting to your dreams and fulfilling them which never gives an option to cheat yourself.

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