Will you depend on your children during old age?

This is the question that I want to ask the youth today. Being in the profession that I am, I get every occasion to interact with a variety of people from different age groups, different backgrounds, different professions, different qualifications and other diversities. Often are the conversations which involve a lot of complaints. While the elders are busy blaming the youngsters, vice-versa is also equally true. In order to bridge this gap called the generation gap, we, mentors aim to resolve such conflicts and help the youth realise the kind of sacrifices that the parents have done for their sake. We motivate the youth to work towards fulfilling the dreams of their parents, as well as, that of themselves. We definitely guide them to take care of their parents during their old age and not be like those disloyal children who put their parents in the old age homes when they grow old. We guide the same youth to be independent and not to depend on anyone but themselves during every phase of life. That's where this question struck my mind.

In the age old days, during the reigns of kings and queens, life was divided into 4 phases. The final phase was called the Vanaprasthashrama. This was the time when the couple would be old enough not to carry out the functions of the kingdom or business, by which time their sons or daughters would have got settled in their families with kids and be working to take care of their individual families. The old couple used to handover all the responsibilities of the kingdom or the business in the hands of their children and move to forest to spend the latter years left in their life in peace and tranquility of the forest performing meditation and penances. There was no question of old age homes at those times as the old parents themselves willingly moved away into the forest. There was no coaching for children to take care of their parents until their demise. Children were only coached to respect parents and serve them well. As a person grows in life building his career and life with his life partner and kids, he cannot be expected to give the same attention to his parents which he could give while he was still single and yet to settle in his life. As years passed, parents had only the motto of guiding their children up to the point where they could take care of their individual families and career. Parents would only yearn for the times that they could play with their grandchildren and would never expect their children to take care of them, and hence save sufficient wealth which would take care of them till the sunset in their lives while they handed over the rest in the hands of their children. Once these two desires were fulfilled they would proceed to Vanaprasthashrama without any worries.

Off late, the parents of the modern century have forgotten about such ways of life. They don't even know the meaning of Vanaprasthashrama. Unfortunately, they can't even go and settle in forests with the present government rules and regulations of protecting the green belt of the earth. In the modern world, family love and care are being considered as give and take business. Since your parents took care of you when you were a child, you need to take care of them when they get old. This is one of the classic statements used. Let's think logical; taking care of a child and taking care of old people; can both of them be the same? Impossible! There's a huge amount of difference in every aspect. The younger couples have to take care of their parents amidst nagging spouses, crying children, job/business tensions, personal health issues, rising inflation and every other factor. It's not as easy as you take care of a child when it's born during which the couple is also young and energetic, just at the beginning of their careers and parents still working few years away from retirement and guiding the young couple at every step, and being the backbone during times of emergency. As parents, they educate their kids to the best extent so that they find high paying jobs and get settled in foreign countries, or at least foreign cities. Once these are accomplished, the children are unable to free themselves from the lock of these 9 to 9 jobs and the financial commitments due to which they cannot devote sufficient time to their parents. After a decade or so, parents start complaining as to how much they loved their children and provided them with all the facilities to have the best life, and now, the same children are settled in abroad leaving them in old age homes. Relatives and society start blaming the children for not taking care of parents and the children also are unable to explain the situation as it would sound only selfish to others' ears, while they are working hard for their children's future.

The older generation is unable to understand why their children are unable to take care of them and the younger generation is unable to understand or explain why they aren't able to do the same. It's getting into a cyclic loop of blames tossing from one side to the other. Let me share an example here. An apple tree grows from an apple seed into a plant, and then, spreads its roots sufficiently enough in order to strengthen its stem, grow its branches and become a tree. Then, it starts bearing fruits. After the fruits ripe, they are either taken by man or some animals. The tree, after few years, gets old, loses all its strength and dies away into the same soil. Never does a tree expect the apples it bore to come back and take care  of it during its old age. It bore fruits all its life only for the world around to use them. Some of these apples satisfied someone's hunger, while some of them were used to grow apple orchards somewhere far away. We got to learn from this tree. Your children are your offerings of spring seasons to the world, and hence they are called as offsprings. Spring and "springtime" refer to the season, and also to ideas of rebirth, rejuvenation, renewal, resurrection and regrowth. The tree takes care of the apple until it ripens. Likewise parents need to take care of the children until they are mature and can take care of themselves, and then let them free. The apple will either fall to the ground when it is completely ripe and will know when the right time has come or it will be taken by someone who needs it. Similarly, children will learn the right age to get independent and stop being dependents on their parents or will be taught by an outsider soon to get independent. This is life!

So, I would request the new age parents and upcoming parents, rather would-be parents of the present generation to erase the hopes of your children to take care of you during your old age. Save enough while you work right from day one for the last few years of your life which you might want to spend in solitude with your life partner. Let you be the boon in your children's lives rather than being a burden in your old age and their working times. At the same time, remember that your parents might haven't planned so much for their future. The responsibility of taking care of them still lies on your shoulders. You are in the right generation with the best technology around to plan how you will balance all the responsibilities of life simultaneously. Might be your next generation might not have the same patience or wisdom like that of yours. Hence be the best children for your parents and become the best parents for your children.

You fall; you get up

All of us have grown through the same steps of childhood. Born as a baby, each one of us held the little finger of our parents to take our first tiny steps. We tried the lion's style by trying to walk on all the four limbs that God has blessed us with. Elders showed the difference between legs and hands, and we were taught to stand on our limbs and hold the wall or table for support to walk on just two limbs. There have been umpteen times that we have fallen down, but still didn't give up the determination to walk. Finally, we reached the stage where we could rely on two wheels rather than our two legs to move from one place to another. We fell down with bicycles and bikes too at times. We stood back and lifted the two wheeler and continued our ride again. Moral of the story - You fall; you get up.

Walking, riding, falling and getting up are physical acts that are so clearly visible to our eyes. On the other hand, when our self-confidence falls down or when our courage or motivation slides down, we cannot see that happening. They are virtual and invisible. We have to apply the same logic of lifting ourselves up from depressing states of mood when the moods go down. The act of getting up from the ground is so naturally imbibed in us that we don't even have to think about it. Our parents have shown how to take the support of nearby objects and our knees to stand back on our feet. Unfortunately, during childhood, physical acts of falling are more than mental states falling down. As a result, we aren't coached much of the times on how to bounce back from the tough emotional states. As we grow up we get into emotional conflicts and our mind is more susceptible to negative influences. At such instances of time, we need to get back to our normal states. How do we do it?- is the question. If we are strong enough we can do it on our own selves. If not, we can definitely take the help of people around. Someone who sees you fall only can help you to get up. Likewise only when someone gets to know that you've fallen down in your mood can someone help you to rise up. It's not a mistake or a shame to share with someone that you're down and take the help of the person to get back to your energetic state of happy mind. Share about the issue that has affected you with the person you vest your trust in and take his/her help to get back to rock.

The world around shall never stop its operations just because anyone of us has fallen down, may be in whichever form it is. Nothing changes, nothing stops, nothing halts. Everything just keeps progressing as this world belongs to not just us alone but to a population of close to 7 billion people. More the time we take to get back into momentum more is the loss in the progress that we are able to achieve. Hence it's very essential to get back into our momentum. If we are unable to get back on our own fast, it's definitely worthwhile to take the help of others to bounce back. Only if we can be on our feet can we help others who have fallen to get back to their feet. We have to help each other and progress together in life.

Placements in colleges: now a history

All the folks in your graduation or post-graduation, please get ready to read this news in the media very soon. A lot of students have pinned their hopes on colleges for their lives ahead. All your hopes might come crashing down once this news becomes a reality soon. Prevention is better than cure. Instead of relying on the past record of history it would be quite helpful if students start relying on their own strengths and skills. Some of you might be wondering as to why this would happen very soon. Let me explain…

Few decades ago, there was nothing called as placements in colleges. Schools and colleges were meant to be places for pure education. They were just limited to teachers and students and a few other technical staff who would manage and run the entire show. Parents expected that their children would come out as the brightest students from the respective institutions and chose them based on the quality of teaching alone. Few years back, when the concept of placements was introduced into colleges, when few companies started recruiting people even before their graduation was complete it was a bonus for those students who performed really well up to the penultimate year in colleges. Since companies also could save time on interviewing a bunch of candidates just to select few, and hence save time, they collaborated with colleges to do the job of filtering the applicants. Even the few colleges chosen by companies, got the reputation amongst public for developing their students so well that they would be recognised by corporates even before convocation. So, it was a win-win situation for all. Unfortunately, as time passed this bonus no more remained a bonus; everyone wanted to make this bonus a part of the curriculum itself which started to ruin things in all directions for everyone. Applying facial make-up products at times can help you look better but applying them day and night shall only ruin your skin. The same started to happen in our education system.

Colleges were meant to concentrate to bring in good teachers, get good lab facilities, and conduct programs for overall development of students. Instead their focus shifted to getting companies to their campus to conduct placements for students. Naturally, the focus on earlier aspects reduced, and hence, the quality of education took a back seat. Companies also had to select students, no matter whether they were employable or not, only to maintain their good relations with the colleges due to past records and future hopes. On the contrary, students who chose colleges based on quality of education earlier, now started to blame the lack of quality, but still joined the same only with the hope for placements. Now, the students, who needed to concentrate on studying well and scoring good marks in tests, projects and exams, instead postponed their seriousness to the final year exclusively for placement tests and interviews. Obviously the subject knowledge went down in them. Hence the students’ quality also started decreasing cumulatively. Companies, who had tied up earlier with colleges depending on quality of education provided by the college and the quality of students graduating from the college, started losing hope on getting the best students from the college. Hence they stopped coming to colleges and students hopes went crashing down. Everyone was only losing in all directions. Colleges and companies started blaming students for lack of seriousness in studies and lack of skills while students started blaming colleges for lack of proper infrastructure and under-quality teaching. It only became a more vicious loop day by day as years passed by.

This has to end somewhere and equilibrium has to set in at some time in the very near future. As people say, ‘History repeats itself’, people will start realising soon the mistakes of their predecessors and start adopting the conventions of their predecessors following the rule of ‘Old is Gold’. Colleges shall soon shift their focus on giving the right quality in education than running around convincing companies to hire their students. Companies shall become choosier before entering any college, or might wait until the right candidates apply directly. Students have no other option but to change because college rules and company laws are in the hands of few wise people who might implement the changes overnight but, a student’s life is only in the hands of him/her. You need to make a wise choice for your life. You can no more depend on the college campus placements for deciding your future. Choose a college for the right quality of education, learn your subjects well, give your best in studies to score the best marks, use the time in college to develop yourself in multiple dimensions, and especially, take the help of teachers, not to adjust your attendance, but to clarify your doubts and answer your questions. Invest your time in developing yourself than your resume. It shall get built on its own and it shall speak to the company heads on your behalf in the interviews.

Many companies have stopped coming to colleges, many colleges have postponed their placement schedules, and many students are graduating out of colleges unemployed even with the best percentage. These are the signs to prove that the news in the title of today’s blog post is going to be in reality and in the media soon. Beware my dear students!

Never challenge the Lord

Time and again ,time and space have proved that they are infinite, omnipresent, and can't be controlled or modified by anyone in this universe. Energy couldn't be created nor destroyed though man has tried every possible innovation that could defy the supreme power of nature. It's high time to accept that the universe or beyond is par excellence than the mere human brain. There are numerous secrets of the world around us that we, humans have to still unearth. When it's clear that there are factors much beyond the human control it's quite sensible to accept the existence of a massive force which is running the universe in a systematic fashion and that force is what I refer to as God in generic terms. Different religions might associate different names for the same.

In spite of knowing the limitations that bind the human thinking and planning, man still aims to challenge the Lord. A lot of times you might have heard people saying that there was one moment that came in their life during which they challenged the existence of the Lord itself. That was the last moment that they ever believed in God, and from then onwards stopped believing in Him. So, they were testing whether God would give them what they wanted or not. How funny of petty humans like us who command God to satisfy our silly desires of life! The moment what they wanted didn't happen they gave up the belief in the Lord. They turned into, so called, atheists. My question is- what did they achieve by giving up their belief in God? Did their desire get fulfilled? Just because a human desire couldn't get fulfilled can we dare challenge the existence of God? As I have stated earlier I am not assigning the God title to some unnatural or super natural force in the forms which are worshipped by people belonging to different religions. Going by science terms, every effect is preceded by a cause and a creator creates the cause to affect the resultant effect. If man can be a creator of many things happening under his control then there must be someone who is the creator behind happenings which are not under human control. That force of creation is what I refer to as the Almighty/God/Lord.

At the end of the day, we must know that everything happens for good. Challenging the existence of the Lord might only satisfy our ego temporarily but cannot alter the outcome of a situation. Either by believing or by disbelieving in God we can never control every circumstance of life. At least with a belief in God we have a moral and spiritual force to rely on at times of difficulty. By disbelieving we are only making ourselves more lonely and, a battle fought lonely is never won. Humans are born in millions and die in millions but God is only one who is, like time and space, omnipresent, unalterable, eternal, infinite, undecipherable and uncontrollable. Let's have faith in this force called God and forbid the childish attitude of challenging the Lord.

The lawnmower is coming

I observed in one of these huge gardens that the gardener was tightening the bolt of his lawnmower and getting it ready for work. He cleaned the blades and started to run the lawnmower over the grass. Those tiny heads of some of these grasses which were overshooting the heights of their neighbours were chipped off and they followed the Law of Equality (at least in terms of height). As the process continued I observed that the grass strands were bending in the direction in which the lawnmower was rolled. The moment the same lawnmower hit the grass in the opposite direction, all these strands bent in the opposite way. The lawnmower was the decision maker on which direction should the grass strands bend.

The billions of people running around in their daily lives are very much similar to these grass strands. The governments or perhaps, the people forming the governments are the lawnmowers, who can make the people follow the direction that they show. The law might switch through several amendments, wherein the second amendment might just be the undo of the first one. Nonetheless people got to follow it and work as per the existing law. Coming to the plane where many folks of our kind inhabit, we are in the wee generation which has the ability to get influenced by the many trends that keep coming and going. There is nothing called right or wrong; there is nothing called picture perfect. Movies influence us, the girls/boys next door or next class can change our lifestyle without even talking to us. There is no strict regime of culture that can hold all the people. We are like those grass strands which bend as per the influences that are cast on us by people (similar to lawnmowers) in our surroundings. Fortunately or unfortunately there is not just one lawnmower; there are many of these which are trying to run around and get all the grass following only them. The question is- Do you want to stay as a grass strand unbalancing around or do you want to be the lawnmower?

It's up to you to choose a life that moves as the life takes you or be the champ who moves the life the way you want to. As the old saying goes, "If you don't utilize your time, someone else will for sure", there is no option of being independent of the two choices. If you are one such sturdy weed, then you will be ripped off from your routes right then and there. You ought to choose. You got to choose whether to bend your head or make others' heads nod to your choices and decisions. Only then is there a scope to exist in this world. Living life doesn't mean to be just in existence, it means to live the life the way it deserves to be lived.

Somewhere someone is doing something for sure

The world offers a variety of diverse environments and different kinds of lives that coexist. The same earth is inhabited by people who are struggling for food on one side and people who are wasting food on the other side. Some are trying to earn their livelihood while some are worrying about how to spend their livelihood. Some are running around with bluetooth hanging on their ears and talking while driving, reading the news on their phones while eating, coding on their computers while drinking, and on the other hand are people who have loads of time in their hand and are doing all these activities patiently one after the other just to make sure that their time doesn't get bored being in their lives. Someone somewhere is doing something for sure.

We get so busy in our lives, and especially in our routine lives that we fail to see our own lives from the perspective of a third person. Just think about it once. What would a pigeon that sits on your terrace every day morning think about you when you keep rushing to your work or college? All that it has to do is eat the nuts and cereals available on your terrace and keep flying from one roof to another to digest the eaten food. Seeing you rush like a mad horse out of the house on your two-wheeler or four-wheeler only makes it wonder, 'Why are you acting so silly! All that you need to do is just have your food and relax.' The pigeon is seldom aware of the fact that you've to write your exams or convince your client. It just feels that you're that someone who is doing something just like how you feel that the pigeon is also doing something. I see so many students worrying about their tests, internals and exams. They are worried about marks, syllabus, question papers, evaluation and invigilation. Even I was one such student few years back. After coming out of the school and college world, I see that all those tensions were just too temporary to even worry about. None of those worries can take life further. No matter what are the results someone has to keep doing something somewhere to carry on the journey called life.

As humans, we build so many apprehensions on so many different things, people and situations that we keep testing our predictions and anticipations. We build our own challenges, expectations and work and try to prove it to ourselves what we are and we are capable of. We build a world that we imagine around us. We don't imagine the entities around us. We just imagine the perceptions of the real entities that exist around us and lead our lives to confirm that we have built the right set of perceptions in our imagination. Each individual lives a life of the same kind while s/he is doing the most necessary thing of his/her life while others are doing something. Ultimately each one knows that someone somewhere is doing something for sure.

Know Understand Realise Practise

Talking about different lessons of leadership or success, I have met a lot of people ranging from kindergarten kids to sales heads, marketing managers, CEOs of many companies and heads of big organizations. People from all these strata of age, work and status know about the same old proverbs that have been ruling ages together. Nowadays students also have such 'Thoughts for the Day' at their fingertips as they need to present them in their morning assembly. When such a lesson is repeated many people don't pay much heed to it because they feel that they already know it. They even underestimate the value of a person who shares a common lesson because they feel that even s/he is sharing the same thing that they already know. Friends! Knowing and practising are entirely two different aspects amongst humans.

All of us know that an atom bomb explodes but not all of us understand how it does so. Not all of are aware about the chemical reactions that take place. Not all of us know how to make one such atom bomb. Likewise knowing a lesson is just like merely knowing the name of a person, but you don't know the complete person's personality. It takes conversation or sufficient research to understand little bit about the person. Likewise in-depth understanding of any lesson also requires quite a good amount of reading. More than understanding how true the lesson is, it's very important to realise how it can bring about changes in your life at present. There is no point in learning it if you are not using it. Nevertheless after understanding and realising how well your life can change if the lesson is implemented, you have to take that initiative to inculcate the lesson as a part of your daily life in every aspect. Only then can the lesson also yield the expected results. You can go and ask any successful person about their message to people. Their answer shall consist of just one lesson that they have strictly followed all through their lives, which has bestowed them with the fruits for all their investment of time, energy and efforts.

One of the most profound examples that I heard some time back was that no matter how old you grow, you shall always drink water to quench your thirst. You might have cool drinks, milk, tea, coffee, carbonated drinks or fruit juices also, but ultimately, all of them have water as their raw material during preparation. We drink the same old colourless, odourless and tasteless water to quench our thirst. So, the same old lessons can solve every problem of ours and help us achieve what we aim at. Let's learn those few powerful principles of life, understand their meaning with the highest depth (depth of understanding shall deepen with more of experience resulting from more of action taken), realise their importance in our lives and practise them on a regular basis to convert all our visions into reality.